One Time
by AnaElise
Summary: Esme told me I was lucky to have such a gift growing inside me. She said vampires were unable to have children. But when that child’s father is also your rapist, it is not a gift, it’s a monster. A monster you would prefer dead.
1. Prologue

One Time

Esme told me I was lucky to have such a gift growing inside me. She said vampires were unable to have children. But when that child's father is also your rapist, it is not a gift, it's a monster.

Authors Note: This is an incredibly dark fic about Rosalie's past. The rating is to be taken seriously as there are extremely dark themes relating to her past. Reviews are appreciated but not expected because I wrote this just for kicks. Any questions will be answered and constructive criticism is always taken seriously.

~!*Rosalie*!~

I've been told it only takes one time.

When I was human, I remember one of the many springtime shopping trips I took with my mother. We made a stop at an upscale outdoor café for lunch and we overheard two older women gossiping at the table next to us.

"Did you hear about the Mable girl?"

"Audrey? The girl engaged to that young man who's to inherit that hotel chain?"

"Yes, well, she not engaged no more. The little trollop went out one night with the girls and met some accountant. Now, she's gone and got herself pregnant and the accountants nowhere to be found!"

"Heavens."

"Her entire family is mortified. She was a month away from marrying into one of the richest families in Rochester and now she has a bastard child on her hip for the rest of her life."

"I tell you, these young people know nothing these days. It only takes one time to ruin your life."

I didn't really think much of the conversation at the time. When was that ever going to apply to my life? But now as I stand facing eternity, I think back on that small instant of my human existence, and how much it applies now.

My life was ruined. My perfect, fairy tale of a life was ruined all because of that one time.

The one time I stayed out too late after dark.

The one time I didn't ask someone to escort me home.

The one time I didn't follow my gut about a man.

And all because of these 'one times,' my life was ruined, my death was ruined and my future… my future is a damned existence in which I shall be forever punished.

It only takes one time, one night, for everything to change. Mine was changed the night I was raped. But while many people think that it was the actual event that haunts me, it is my decisions and actions afterward that are my real demons.

I am a monster, but not because of my blood seeking nature, not because I killed those who ruined me, but because I am selfish and vain.

I destroyed the one thing I always wanted.

I killed a child.

I killed my child. The child born of a raped vampire.


	2. This Hell I'm Living

Esme told me I was lucky to have such a gift growing inside me. She said vampires were unable to have children of their own.

I remember the quick instance of jealousy I saw in her eyes when she told me that; all because of the thing forming inside me.

I was used to people being jealous and envious of me. Normally I relished in it.

This, however, made me uncomfortable. It made me feel dirty.

Carlisle was baffled. He had no idea how my vampire anatomy could house a child. He assumed it was human because my "sexual encounter" occurred when I was human but he had no idea how my body was feeding and nourishing the human child since I had been drinking animal's blood ever since my transformation.

No one even realized I was pregnant until I started showing signs of a bump on my stomach and I could hear something moving in my womb.

By this time it was pretty late in the pregnancy to do much to prepare. I tired some human food to see if that would be better for the baby. It tasted terrible but the baby didn't seem to mind.

Carlisle even tried to do an ultra sound with a portable machine that he brought home from the hospital but the waves couldn't see through my vampire stomach so we were left with listening for movements and unintelligible thoughts that Edward could pick up.

The whole thing was a strange experience to live through. Esme was thrilled and went shopping in town at every opportunity for some new baby supply. Our house was suddenly filled with diapers, clothes, bassinets, trams, changing tables, toys and anything else that had to do with a newborn baby.

Carlisle was ecstatic as well. "A completely unprecedented scientific anomaly," he would say.

Edward went about as usual with his casual and indifferent exterior. He helped Esme put together any new baby supply and assisted Carlisle in his vampire-human hybrid child research.

And I went along with everything, completely and utterly terrified.

I had a child growing inside me. I should have been thrilled. It was what I always wanted: a young child to care for, dress up, take to the park and love and adore for the rest of my life. And if Esme was right, if vampires couldn't have children then this was my only chance to have one.

But I was still dreading every second of my pregnancy and the upcoming birth. I wasn't worried about the pain or what kind of mother I would be like I should have been. I was worried I would hate my child. In fact, I think I did hate my child.

I didn't want it. I even went so far as to think of ways to kill it before it was born.

I tried once. I tried putting a knife through my stomach to kill my child. But the knife broke and my skin was left shimmering in the afternoon sunlight

When Edward saw my thoughts of what I had tried to do he was furious, and never let me alone after that. He was always within hearing distance of my thoughts.

But despite the fact that he knew what I was thinking, he still didn't understand how I felt. He couldn't grasp that I was carrying a constant reminder of my shame and destruction and ultimately my death.

I didn't even know which one of those bastards was the father of my child!

Would it look like Royce? Would it have his self-assured and smug eyes?

How would I be able to stand looking into the innocent face of everything that I had once wanted, but now despise with every ounce of my being?

Who am I to be a mother when I blame this child for everything I have lost?

I wanted to be Mrs. Royce King II. I wanted to live a lavish life full of new dresses, vacations to Europe, and beautiful blue eyed babies.

I wish the rape had never happened. Not because I didn't want the pain but because I want the happily ever after I would have had with Royce.

Doesn't that sound sick? I fantasize about a life with my rapist.

I think about the wonderful life I could have had, had I continued living.

I think about being blissfully unaware of vampires, of my children running around our large mansion. I think about Christmas, with a large tree, beautifully decorated and the smells of Christmas cookies and spices surrounding the house. On holidays and anniversaries, Royce would send me bushels of roses, and we would grow old and beautiful just as I had planned.

I pretend not to see the disgusted looks Edward sends me when I think about these thoughts. He doesn't have a right to judge me. Only God can judge me and my judgment was set when I was dying on a dirty street surrounded by my own blood.

My place in hell is secure, so fantasizing about the life I could have had is not going to change anything.

Carlisle tells me it'll be any day now. He smiles as he says it and I feel the baby kick.

I catch myself thinking about the knife again and I wish there was something sharp enough to pierce vampire skin.

I would first put it through my stomach, so my child doesn't have to live through the hell that is on earth. Then I would put it through my heart… maybe I would feel something then.


End file.
